its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
