i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
