Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
