wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
