I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
