i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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