I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
