I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
you never un-have a 4some
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
