White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
