I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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