just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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