you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
