Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
His hands were made for my vagina.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
