I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
