So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
