i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
