u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
