im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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