Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
