There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
