Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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