I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
My feet surprised me
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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