erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
