you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
