im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
