I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
