3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Randomize
