Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
