She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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