just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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