He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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