not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
