This is not my ceiling
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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