What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
if only i could text you this smell
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
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