they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
