We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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