How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Randomize
