now i know why i became what i already was.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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