I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
