no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
