he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
