Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
