just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
