oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Never let your siblings swipe right.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
