Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
