If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
