i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Dear god my vagina.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
