just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
