Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
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