We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Randomize
