if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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