Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
