People with herpes should wear stickers.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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