if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
