I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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