Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
