my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
50% drunk capacity currently
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
