I think i peed on brittanys purse
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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